Breaking: Guinness Revises Record SHE (Lia Thomas) Faces Global Criticism

Last week, the Guinness World Records announced a decision to annotate Lia Thomas’ eleven records. Following widespread criticism from the global sporting community, Guinness reversed its stance.

“We’ve chosen to void the records, deferring them to the rightful successors instead of adding annotations,” stated Editor-in-Chief Joe Barron. “We acknowledge the controversy and aim to move forward.”

Thomas’ eleven records will only appear in the 2023 edition, with the next year’s publication presenting the authentic record holders and an explanation for the error in the 2023 print.

“This narrative adopts a more formal tone than the usual storyline,” noted Barron. “There should be subtle cues indicating its divergence from typical news.”

Emma Weyent will now claim six records, while Riley Gaines secures the remaining five. Gaines expresses her intention to petition for a shared credit on one of them.

“Emma’s attempting to overshadow my achievement,” Gaines asserted to Tomi Lahren, vying for recognition. “I won’t tolerate it.”

The realm of women’s swimming witnesses unprecedented attention. God bless America.


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