In a shocking turn of events, Whoopi Goldberg has declared herself the Supreme Ruler of “The View.” The announcement, made with all the seriousness of a royal proclamation, left both the studio audience and her fellow co-hosts in bewildered laughter.
Goldberg, adorned with a makeshift crown fashioned from coffee mugs, outlined her plans for the show’s future. First on the agenda: a mandatory daily ritual of singing the chorus of “I Will Survive” before diving into any serious discussion. She explained, “It sets the tone for resilience, and let’s face it, surviving the morning talk show circuit requires a certain level of vocal prowess.”
The Empress also decreed that henceforth, every debate would be settled with a dance-off, and any disagreements among the co-hosts would be resolved through interpretative dance. Insiders report that rehearsals for the inaugural dance battle have already begun, with Goldberg leading the charge in her iconic “Ghost” pottery wheel routine.
In a surprising twist, Goldberg announced a radical change to the show’s wardrobe policy. All co-hosts are now required to wear habit-chic attire, a fusion of traditional nun habits with a touch of New York street style. “I’ve always believed in the power of fashion to convey a message,” she declared. “And nothing says ‘thought-provoking conversation’ like a well-tailored habit paired with a statement sneaker.”
Viewer reactions have been mixed, with some praising Goldberg’s creative vision, while others are left scratching their heads in amusement. As the Supreme Ruler of “The View,” Goldberg remains unfazed by the critics, confidently asserting, “This is my reign, and we’re going to do it with a splash of humor, a dash of rhythm, and a whole lot of coffee.” The talk show landscape will undoubtedly never be the same under the rule of Empress Whoopi.
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